Missing You / Shanna The veil is thin, this time of year. Its hard to go through October and to not shed a tear.
Your face and grin we see as clear as the last time we heard "baka laka"; sometimes, its as if you were still here.
You touched the lives of all you met. Living without you is so hard; it is over this we often fret.
A part of my sister died with you. It's true - even death can not completely erase the love between you two.
Though you are far away from us now, you are ever near our hearts. You will not be forgotten; this I do vow.
Hurt/ Amber Bourke (love) Hurt
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face You told me how proud you were but I walked away If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away Thank you for all you've done Forgive all your mistakes There's nothing I wouldn't do To hear your voice again Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself by hurting you Someday I feel broke inside but I won't admit Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There's nothing I wouldn’t do To have just one more chance To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous It's so I'm afraid to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
Letter to Lance / Pam Bourke (mother-in-law (almost) ) It's taken me so long to write this, Lance, and it's still so hard but I'll give it a try. Well, I ordered and cooked the turducken for Christmas this year, both of those jobs were yours in the past few years. It just wasn't the same, so I'm not sure we'll even get anymore after this year. I missed having you fussing around and worrying about whether it was going to be cooked in time and whether Dad was going to make everyone sick by leaving the food out too long. I really missed you pouring beer in my gravy like you always did. I know you know how much that drove me crazy. Nothing was the same without you and we all missed you so much.
Remember my 40th birthday when I left town so I wouldn't have to deal with well wishers and practical jokers (YOU!)? And I came home after celebrating a little too much. That was the year I got the angel "Gabriel" for my collection. I drove you nuts insisting how much you looked liked Gabriel and I had you turning your head this way and that to prove to Amber how striking the resemblance was. You were so tolerant of my silliness and all of you reading this that knew Lance well knows how difficult that was for him. Heck, I think you even blushed that night.... I had no idea how prophetic that night would be. I do believe you've been a guardian angel for all of us since you left. Especially the night of Dec. 26 when Baret and Shanna had the accident and walked away from it virtually unharmed. Thank you for being our "Gabriel".
I see your hand in so many little things and it never ceases to amaze me. I know you were responsible for the spider incident awhile back. Just for that helping hand I now forgive you for chasing me around the house with an imaginary spider in your hand all those times.
The only thing that makes this at all bearable for us is knowing that you finally found the peace you needed so much and fought so hard for in this life. We love you and miss you.
Musician tribute / John Ward (None)
Sorry you lost your loved one so soon, To young. Condolence John Ward. The unclaimed freight band from New Jersey. See some of our originals on YouTube. Under the unclaimed freight band. Or at CDBaby.com under same name. Close
To a great friend: I miss you / Chad Saizan (Best Friend )
Well it's now been over a year. I'm still in Iraq and plan to come home soon but it hurts to know that im coming back home and Know that we won't be hanging out like old times. It's so hard to wright this but for the past 13 months I've been out here and for the past 12 months I could still hear your voice and see your face, I think that it just hasn't sunk in yet fully because I've been surrounded by war but through all that I still think of you. You will always be my best friend. Close
11 months since u been gone. It's really hard to believe. I keep thinking you will come back. I miss you and I love you. U were a great friend. WILD, CRAZY and always made me and everyone around you laugh. Not to mention u were there for me at some hard times in my life. Mardi Gras 2000 was a horrible experience for me but thanks to you and Chad I don't know how I would have dealt with it myself. U were always ready to protect me. Can't forget the time that u came to learoys to see our new houses in Walker and my psycho neighbor that we had only met like twice came beating on my back door in the rain screaming and crying. Wasn't that INSANE?? LOL! And we can't forget me 13 years old stealing a car and joy riding all around and seeing u at 2 am getting gas on hospital road. Ther eare so many great memorys. U almost got us kicked out of the trailer park in port allen that my mom and I moved into after my parents divorced. But they were all good times and laughs. I am glad that I know u. I have known u for almost my entire life. I miss your crazy text messages and ur crazy myspace messages that always seemed to make me smile and laugh. It was like u knew what days I was down adn u knew when to send them. Thank you for everything you have giving me. I wish more people had a chance to know you. With love always, Candice Ur always in my thoughts
Song & Emotion / Shanna
"Song & Emotion" by Tesla...some of the lyrics reminded me of you, Lance.
See him there Most every day A lonely man and his guitar In his eyes, I see the pain All the faces and the places All the trouble that he's seen
There was a time There was a day They'd come from miles around They all knew his name But days gone by are gone Now only memories remain
Then he starts to play Suddenly the pain slowly fades away Tattered, torn, and frayed There's a place within his heart he'll always save For the song and emotion Know he's got to his dying day Song and emotion You can hear him play You can still hear him say "Better run for cover, 'cuz it looks like rain again!"
And now his life is but a shadow of his dreams The calm is over, been stormin' for years He turns and leans his shoulder to the wind Lost again Close
The First Christmas Without Lance / Shanna (Sister-in-Law)
Christmas was nice this year, but there was a glaring omission from our regular holiday get-togethers. Never would I have imagined, as we sat last year opening gifts, drinking and laughing, that one of us would be missing come next Christmas.
We talked about him, here and there, in small conversation - but, honestly, the absence of Lance was like the gigantic blue elephant in the living room. Everyone was aware of it, but we had to just keep going on as if it wasn't really there.
I wonder if it'll ever feel "normal" again, or is this just a turning point in our lives - things are certainly changing. Now there is Ava, Robby - after proposing to Chasity this Xmas - is engaged, and Lance is gone.
I miss him - we all miss him - there is a hole in our family now that can never be replaced. Time will soften and close up, some, that hollow feeling - but it will always be there. Things will just never be quite the same.
I wonder, often, what he'd say to finding out just how much of a huge impact he'd had on so many peoples' lives. I think, deep in his heart, though he knew we - and with no doubts, Amber - loved him, he felt he was never truly loved or wanted; that even those who loved him didn't really like him completely. I'm not going to lie and say he couldn't be an aggravating fucker - or that there weren't times you just wanted to ring his neck or kick his ass. But regardless of that, we really did love him and, yes, liked the person he was immensely.
Saying we "miss" him almost doesn't do it justice. There truly is a hole in each of our hearts; something I don't think he ever could've grasped or believed - he never could seem to grasp the concept of being treasured and loved. If not for Amber, he never would've known it. I just hope he now knows she wasn't the only one - even if sometimes we didn't know it our damn selves - that loved him to pieces just as he was.
It was an honor to know him, and to be able to call him "friend" in this lifetime. As we move into the new year, and get over the hurdle of the "big holiday" without him, my only hope is that he knows and feels all of this love we have for him, and that he knows just how very painfully he is missed.
All of you reading this, if there is anyone you didn't see for Xmas that you love - call them up, tell them Merry Xmas and tell them how much they mean to you. You never know when they might not be here next year.
Recently, Amber asked me to put into words how she was feeling about memories of Lance. At this point, when memories hit her unbidden, she feels like a powerful wave has slammed into her...I came up with Wave of Memory and she says it describes how she feels "perfectly".
We know there are others suffering with bittersweet memories of Lance who could relate, so we decided to share it here:
Wave of Memory
I am standing on the shore, sweating in the hot sun, waiting for some relief - wishing for something to cool this feverish burning. I am shocked when the wave hits me; I knew it would come, just not when.
It feels so good washing over me, cooling me, soothing my body with its calming waters - I smile into the face of the wave, stretch out my arms to hold it, embrace it, bring it closer to me - draw it inside of me if I can.
Too quickly it's receding, leaving me cold and shivering, the taste of salt in my mouth - the pressure of the water surrounding me already fading into a dim memory. I'm unsteady on my feet in its wake, tears mix with the droplets of water on my face, and I long for the initial contact - the intensity of the wave when it first slammed into me, taking me unawares and filling me with a feeling akin to ecstasy.
I wish for another wave, I wish for thousands, beating upon me mercilessly, drowning me in its vivid energy; I want it to never end - I want to sink into the sand underneath their power, surrounded forever by the cool waters and never again having to face the heat of the Sun exposed and alone.
Instead, I turn and walk away....my skin warming and drying once more in the Sun. I can't live silent under the waves, forever cool and enveloped comfortably in the water. I must stay in the Sun, letting myself cool in the water only occasionally. There is no life, no hope under the dark waves...my future is towards the Sun. I turn my face towards the bright orb high in the sky and feel even my tears drying on my cheeks...
The loss of you beloved Son / Christina Mom To (^i^ Jason Blackshear )Read >>
The loss of you beloved Son / Christina Mom To (^i^ Jason Blackshear )
My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my son to a car accident in June 2006. I know the heartbreak that you are feeling.
There is a place in every heart, They call it Memory Lane, Where thoughts of loved ones lost, Forever will remain. God made this special place, When he first created man, For he knew it would be needed, As part of our life's plan. He knew when loved ones left us, We'd need some time to heal, To come to terms with sorrow, And the loneliness we'd feel. So when you lose a loved one, And your life is filled with pain, The comfort of their presence, Will be found in Memory Lane
The Cord / Jeralyn Mom To Angel Darrell Gillis Read >>
The Cord / Jeralyn Mom To Angel Darrell Gillis
I'm so sorry for the lose of your son, I know how painful this is and how hard it will be from now on. I lost my son at the age of 29 in a car accident also. I just wanted to pass this poem along I hope it gives you alittle confort Please know you are in my heart & prayers.
We are connected, my son and I, by an invisible cord not seen by the eye. It’s not like the cord that connects us at birth, this cord can’t be seen by any on earth. This cord does its work right from the start, it binds us together, attached by the heart. I know that it’s there, though no one can see this invisible cord, from my son to me. The strength of this cord, it’s hard to describe, it can’t be destroyed, it can’t be denied. It’s stronger than any cord man could create; it withstands the test, can hold any weight. And though you are gone and you’re not here with me, the cord is still there though no one can see. It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore, but this cord is my lifeline as never before. I’m thankful that God connects us this way, a Mother and Child.... Death can't take it away. Close
Miss you / Rae Lynne Richard (Friend)
Amber, I have know Lance for a very long time. We had lost touch for a couple of years and when we got back in touch you was in his life. I can tell you, I was glad to see Lance happy. He will be missed deeply. He was loved by so many and missed by more. Close
The Story of the Dragonfly / Maria (passer-by)Read >>
The Story of the Dragonfly / Maria (passer-by)
Dear Amber and Family of Lance:
I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved Lance. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you go thru this very difficult time. I too lost my Soul-mate, Love of my Life, Ray, 570 days ago. I wish I could tell you it gets easier but I would be lying. If ever you need to talk to someone that understands what you are going thru please email me.
I have enclosed a poem that makes me cry but offers a little comfort. Your website to Lance is beautiful. Please light a candle for Ray (Raymond Cardinal). Again my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
The Story of the Dragonfly (author unknown) In a little pond and under the lily pads, lived a small water beetle who shared a simple yet comfortable life among his family and friends. There were few disturbances and interruptions, but once in a while, a great sadness would enter the community of water beetles when one of them would climb up a lily pad stem and never be seen or heard from again. When this happened, they all knew that one of their friends had gone away forever. One day, the small water beetle felt an irresistible urge to climb up the lily pad stem. He was determined, however, to return to his friends and tell them what he found at the top of the flower. When he finally climbed out from the water, he felt very tired. Warmed by the sun, he fell asleep. When he awoke, he discovered that he had changed from a small beetle into a beautiful dragonfly designed for flying. With his broad wings spread wide, he soared upward into the sky and marveled at the beauty of the strange new world he never knew existed. Then he remembered his friends below the water. He wanted to return to tell them that he felt more alive than he had ever felt before. But, alas, his new form wouldn't allow him to return under the water. It was then he understood that they would soon know what had happened to him when their time came to climb onto the lily pad stem. So he raised his wings and flew off to enjoy his joyous new life. Close
in loving memory / Story (friend)
Wow! It seems like only yesterday we met at mardi gras. After that day we became instantly inseparable. We were great friends from hello. I loved how you were the best listener. Also, with advice, you always knew what to say for every occasion, and if you didnt you would tell a joke and make me laugh and i would completely forget what we were discussing in the first place. You had the best humor of anyone i have ever met. You were oh so many things: caring, funny, loving, and defensive when someone would interfere with you or your friends. You opened me up to so many different and new things in my life; meeting new people, staying up until wee hours of the morning doing nothing at all, and most of all going to the trashiest bars and having a blast. Whenever something would be on my mind i knew to call lance, there was a solution to everything. What happens now when i need someone to talk to? Who is going to come get me and cook tv dinners for me when im down? Im kinda lost without you lance. I have cried so much i can barley see in front of my face. But i know you wouldn't want that so when i feel like crying i think of the funny things. Remeber the time i was driving and you got out the window and crawled out on top of the car with russ screaming out in the back seat, or the time we got drunk at my cousins wedding and danced like idiots with my grandma to lets get it on, or when me and randi fell through your kitchen floor the first time we came to your house. but most of all i miss the long talks about nothing watching family guy reruns on the couch. its amazing how things can happen in the blink of an eye. wow! i cant even come to terms with it that you are really gone. im still waiting for you to call and say i really got yall this time. You truly made a difference in my life and the way i look at the world. you were always a joy to be around. there was never a dull moment. You will always have a special place in my heart. even though i want you here, i know you are where you were supposed to end up in Gods arms. May you rest eternally and know that i cherished every waking moment with you. i will always love and miss you. whenever i need to talk im going to do the usual and start running my mouth, so make sure your listening. when you cant answer, play your beautiful music and let your light shine down for us to see. by the way i think i saw you today coming to work, there was a part in the rain clouds with rays of light shining down, it followed me the whole way. It was beautiful as you were. wish to have one more hug. miss you now miss you always until we see each other again. Rest in peace my sweet lance.
Rest In Peace / Kaylee Major (Friend)
I will always remember your funny veiw of things, crazy way you were, and most of all the way you were such a good friend. I'll miss your calls just to say hey and the happiness you had either way. I Love You And Miss You Lance! Rest In Peace And I'll See You Again Someday! Close
Rest In Peace / Melissa Krause (Friend)
"Honesty" I love you Lance! You were a great friend! The last three months have been great, I was blessed to get to know you. You were a crazy, fun loving friend, and I miss you! Thanks for being there for me and bringing me so many great memories that I will never forget! I'll see you again someday so get club zyoooga ready! "Rest In Peace Lance" Love and Miss You Forever and Always! Close
In loving menory / Chad Saizan (Best Friend )
He was more then just a frien, he was a brother to me and I will never forget all the good times and the bad, for he will always be close to my heart.
P.S. To all of you that he left behind I am truly sorry. I coulnd't be there but when duty calls nothing is worst than loosing your best friend, especialy when you have no one to lean on, or a shoulder to cry on. Im in Kiwait on my way to Iraq for the 3rd time, and I will stay strong knowing he is in a better place. Close